The Dentures That Clickity-Clacked
Written by Johnny Papan
Eugene is an elderly man whose teeth have rotted from his gums. He’s never bothered to take the time to brush his teeth and his smoking of cigarettes only sped the process. He went to the dentist and bought a nice pair of pearly white dentures to fill his spacious mouth.
“Now Eugene, these are a special pair of teeth,” the Dentist says. “Make sure to take good care of them or else you’ll turn these ones rotten too.”
“I will! I promise to brush my teeth every night!” Eugene, so excited to have nice teeth for the first time in years, can’t help but grin for the entire ride home.
At home, Eugene ashes the last of his “after-meal” cigarette and takes a final gulp from his soda before letting out a wretched belch. He looks at the clock, 12:30am and lets out a wicked yawn. It’s time for bed.
Eugene goes to the bathroom to clean his dentures. He plops them out of his mouth, inspecting them. “They look pretty clean to me,” he thinks. Instead of using the special cleaners given to him by the Doctor, Eugene rinses the dentures underneath some warm water. “Good enough for now, I’ll brush them in the morning.” Eugene leaves his dentures on the bathroom counter and hops in for a quick shower. As he’s showering he hears a shockingly loud sound, that almost makes him slip. Clickity-clickity-clickity-clack.
“What the heck was that?” Eugene questions as he moves his shower-curtain to peer into the bathroom. Nothing seems to be out of the ordinary…
The next morning, Eugene wakes up and stretches, suddenly wincing. His arms had landed on his pillow and he felt a sharp pain, a red splotch forming on the white linen. He takes a closer look and sees that his right arm is not only bleeding, but also covered in bite marks. He runs to the bathroom to wash the blood off in stinging cold water. The dentures are no longer on the counter.
“Where did they go?” Eugene searches the entire bathroom and cannot find them. He knows they shouldn’t be in his bedroom, but searches there just incase. Eugene tears his entire house apart looking for his sparkling set of pearly-whites, yet remains clueless to their whereabouts. Puzzled, he goes for a second look in the bathroom.
After an unsuccessful second search, Eugene washes his face in defeat. “Am I going mad?” he thinks to himself. He lifts his face to look in the mirror and that’s where he sees them. The dentures have been in his mouth the whole time. Eugene goes back to the Dentist.
“The only logical explanation is that you must have been sleepwalking,” the Dentist explains to Eugene.
“That’s insane! I would never do that,” Eugene retorts.
“How do you know? You’re sleeping. You could have been sleepwalking for years and never noticed. Maybe you’ve been biting yourself this whole time, you just never got bites because , and please don’t be offended by this, you barely had any teeth. Maybe you’re so excited about your new dentures that you’re putting them in your mouth while wandering dreamland. Try videotaping yourself while you sleep. See what happens.”
Later that night, Eugene sets up a camera and goes to bed, forgetting to brush his teeth and once again leaving them on the counter. After about half an hour of tossing and turning, he hears something. Clickity-clickity-clickity-clack! Eugene tries covering his head with the pillow. Clickity-clickity-clickity-clack!
A glass shatters! Eugene sees that his dentures have fallen on the floor with the glass jar that holds his toothbrush.
“How did that happen?” Eugene thinks as he wraps the broken glass with a towel. Eugene takes his dentures and puts them in a box, sliding it under his bed. He goes back to sleep.
Eugene jolts awake in the middle of the night from the sting of his left arm. It, like his right arm, is covered in bites. He shoves his hand inside his mouth to grab the dentures, but they are not there. He looks under his bed to see that his fake teeth are still neatly packed inside the box. Eugene gets flustered.
“I’m getting to the bottom of this!” Eugene plugs the camera into his laptop and plays the video of him sleeping. Everything seems normal for a couple hours as Eugene fast forwards through the footage. Suddenly, a strange, muffled noise is heard, Eugene stops fast forwarding, watching what’s happening on screen.. Clickity-clickity-clickity-clack! Eugene pays close attention to the noise. The sound gets louder, clickity-clickity-clickity-clack! And louder, clickity-clickity-clickity-clack! And louder. CLICKITY-CLICKITY-CLICKITY-CLACK! The sound is so loud that Eugene starts turning the volume down, but to his dismay, the volume is already on mute. The deafening sound SNAPS right by his ear, CLICKITY-CLICKITY-CLICKITY-CLACK!
Eugene grabs his ear and yelps in shock from the noise. While his mouth is open a strange sensation softly slides against his gums and enter his mouth. He loses control. Clickity-clickity-clickity–CHOMP.